There’s no winning or losing in our household. Winning is the only option, and everything in life can be turned into a competition. The girls needed to lose and learn to lose gracefully, so we signed them up for summer swimming.
“Girls, not everything in life is a competition.”
I find myself saying those words in the car, over the dinner table, in the morning, on the way into church, at friends’ homes. Name a place. If we’ve been there, chances are pretty high that I’ve uttered those words within that space.
The response from my six-year-old is typically, “Yes, it is. Everything is a competition.” My four-year-old will stare blankly, clearly having trouble grasping the concept. And my husbands laughs. It’s karma. It’s the universe repaying me for all of those times that I’ve reacted in the same way.
Like them, I can turn anything in life into a competition. It happens every day- wanting to beat a light, be the first one home, and win the game. (Yes, even when I’m playing Don’t Break the Ice Frozen Edition with the girls.) Often I’m competing against myself- clocking a faster mile or finishing my to do list at the end of my work day with time to spare. It’s a problem. But these days, I can lose without yelling, screaming, throwing a tantrum or scattering a board game and its pieces across the room. My girls can’t.
We signed them up for swim team. They’re still learning all four strokes. They are by far the smallest children on the team. Odds were that they’d lose a heat or two. They did. Oddly enough, no tears were shed. They left their first meet without any ribbons….. and asking for me to help them practice.
They kept attending practice. We worked on starts and strokes at home. They got faster but still weren’t winning. Little sister beat big sister. But still no tears. No tantrums. They simply got back into the pool and tried harder.
The first heat winner ribbon came for big sister. She was elated and kept kissing it until it became a soggy orange ball. Little sister wanted one too, focusing on the next race, which was cancelled due to lightning. There were some tears. But she got up and went to practice the next day. Little sister eventually got her own heat ribbon.
The girls both ended the season faster and with several ribbons. I was so incredibly proud of them for recognizing winning often involves a lot of hard work, perseverance and being willing to ask for help.
Unfortunately, the lesson about learning to lose didn’t linger long. The next morning, they were back to competing over everything. Every parent knows how it typically ends with a joyous, boastful victor and another child in tears. But perhaps with all things parenting, it’s about those baby steps and laying a foundation for future success. Until next swim season….
