A blowout. Full makeup. Heels. A designer dress. Smiling with a beautiful sleeping baby. It’s all how we all looked a few hours after giving birth, right?

Not me. I was sipping on juice in a less than flattering hospital gown desperately trying to prove to my nurse that my stomach was strong enough for jello and my legs could support myself long enough to shower and put on clean pjs. Washing my hair or applying makeup? Out of the question. I barely managed to pull on a robe, a little makeup (powder, mascara and lip gloss) and wash and blow dry my hair after my first daughter’s birth for an interview with the local tv station where I was an anchor. Those seemingly simple tasks left my post C-section incision area throbbing and my body aching for a long nap.

Give Yourself a Break

Kate Middleton dazzled and mesmerized us yet again with her ability to look absolutely flawless hours after giving birth to her third child. Standing on the steps of the hospital (in heels!) with her much sought after signature tresses and makeup, I was in awe. But then I thought about my first hours after childbirth and felt… here is where I struggle for the right word- sympathy, pity, empathy, compassion, sorrow?

Yes, she’s part of the royal family, and people had camped out for days waiting for a glimpse of the new royal. Her life seems to be pulled from the pages of fairytales read to our children. Stylists were on hand to help her look camera ready. But like so many of us, she’s is a mom who just gave birth (and to her third child). She’s entitled to a break. We, as mothers, are also entitled to the same break from this quest for perfectionism.

Child birth is exhausting emotionally and physically. The pregnancy bloating and pounds don’t magically disappear the moment this incredible, miraculous new life comes into this world. It took nearly a year of counting calories, carefully selected clothing, what felt like pounds of makeup, and finding time (and energy) between feedings, cleaning, work and limited sleep to work out before beginning looking like “myself” again.

I remember returning to work after the birth of my second daughter just 5 pounds shy of my pre-pregnancy weight. I was elated! I could fit into most of my old clothes. I was finding a balance between work, spending time with my daughters and taking care of myself. But to at least a few of our viewers, those extra five pounds were just too much.

A few emails (and even a phone call) came in expressing concern about my weight. One man acknowledged that he understood that I had just given birth to my second child. But he pointed to another anchor in town who also had recently had a child and seemingly returned to her pre-birth weight. Why couldn’t I? In a state with a high obesity rate, I was part of the problem. It was my job to set an example. Or so I was told.

I was upset. My pride in all of my progress was shattered.

Why am I sharing this? It’s easy to look to Kate and celebrities and measure ourselves against them. Perhaps it’s not even them but a mom at your child’s soccer game, dance studio or daycare. What is ideal for one person certainly isn’t for another. We all face a unique set of challenges whether it’s a demanding job, family obligations, sickness, or childcare hurdles. They often consume not just our time but our money and other resources. I’d love to regain my post-baby body. Time is often a problem. If I must decided between an extra half hour on the treadmill or playing with my children, it’s going to be my children. So moms, give yourself a break and give other parents a break from judgements. You never know what may be going on in their lives.